Why Am I Doing This?

I had Vegan "beef" stew for lunch today. The entire time I was eating it, I kept thinking how incredibly delicious this meal would be had I made it with real beef, the kind that comes from cows - dead cows - instead of some gnarled chunks of texturized wheat gluten that tastes just like a veggie burger. That’s just so wrong, stew meat isn’t supposed to taste like hamburger! I’m sure the "chicken" waiting in my refrigerator will taste just like the "beef." This is truly punishment for all the bad things I’ve done in my life. But, I have vowed to eat Vegan for 30 days and I will eat Vegan for 30 days. I am one week into this herbivorous misadventure and it has not been fun. I’ve already gained five pounds, have a bloated belly bigger than a beach ball and live in intense fear of being more than a few feet away from a toilet.

I am a meat eater, I believe pork is the nectar of life. So why am I doing this to myself? Two words. Michael Vick.

The sick, twisted, sadistic, sociopathic Mr. Vick’s behavior is well documented. I won’t repeat it here. I was marginally aware that his NFL suspension was about to end and was certain that no NFL team would touch him, I mean, the man is totally toxic. So imagine my horror when I learned the Philadelphia Eagles signed him to a multi-million dollar two-year contract. I live right across the river from Philadelphia, I’m in the heart of Eagles territory which makes it seem even more of a personal affront (though I am a New York Giants fan). Hearing my boss and others speak in support of the move, like he’s paid his debt to society and all that, just totally set something off inside of me.

I’ve always loved animals but especially love dogs. Show me a Pit Bull or a Rottie and I’ll go all goo-goo over it like normal people do over babies. I send money to various humane organizations and yes, am a card-carrying member of PETA. So why does a carnivorous, leather shod woman who has no problem watching Bear Grylls bite the head off of a snake belong to PETA? Because they do it so I don’t have to!

Until now. I was so horrified and sickened over the Vick signing that I swore I would eat Vegan for 30 days. And I had to go mouthing off about it so now, I have to stick with it. For another 23 days - at least.

So, I will share with whoever should happen to read this my adventures as a Vegan and a brand new animal activist. I’ve just signed on as a volunteer at the county animal shelter. Tonight is orientation for new members. Dogs have given me so much in life, I’m really looking forward to the opportunity to give at least a little something back!

So there Michael Vick - I'm eating gelatinized goop and soon will be scooping poop, just to show you!!!